Monthly Archives: October 2007

Emobucket – it’s like a big bucket of Emo!

Yes. Emobucket exists. And it really is like a big, sweaty, hair-gel filled bucket of emo kids. In short, it is the most amazing site ever. Whether you love the emo or hate it, there is something about the sharp, angled fringe, the big, soulless eyes, and the “I don’t give a fuck what you think – just rate my picture after I pose for your benefit” attitude that just makes you want to look.

Here are just a sample of the most popular pictures on the site, enjoy and visit Emobucket!

Emo1

Emo2

Emo3

Emo4

MySpace – no longer safe for us regular pervs

Black and white pic emo girl nice scarf

Generic emo girl, courtesy of Emobucket – the most amazing site ever!

Everybody’s favourite groom-hole, MySpace, has reached a new-found low as an article published on respected news site, Dlisted, sensationally reveals.

MySpace has long been a popular venue for children of all ages to congregate and post askew photos of themselves and write incessant bulletins about how bored they are. Such annoyances have long been tolerated by the majority of users as the website has proved invaluable for social networking, self-promotion, and shamelessly flirting with underage emo girls.

Despite such fun, the actions of Anthony Merino throws a light on the dark side of the usually only dank pool of softcore as it seems that it is not just the fresh, young and stupid that are being preyed upon these days. Anthony, a 23-year-old Histotechnician of Anatomic Pathology from New Jersey, was caught having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman in the morgue where he worked.

While it has not been confirmed whether or not Merino’s necrophilic tendencies were further exacerbated by an unknown influence from MySpace, but Crunkfish can only speculate that the fault lies with the administrators of the website. Clearly, Merino was unable to fill his ‘normal’ pervert tendencies through the social network and so was forced to get his rocks off in a really fucking weird way.

My advice to fellow ‘executive’ sleazeballs who worry that MySpace’s anti-grooming clampdown may result in them taking a similar direction to Merino? Join Facebook and poke people – knowing that it means ‘something’ more.

Interestingly, it says on Anthony’s about me section of his MySpace (www.myspace.com/playboygtr) that: “I work hard, so I party hard, that’s my motto.” Lucky bastard had a job where he could do both.

Islamofascism – that was serious!?

Steve Benen of Crooks and Liars posts a quote from Paul Krugman that ridicules the neo-conservative idea of Islamofascism.

Here’s an extract of the quote:

“[T]here isn’t actually any such thing as Islamofascism — it’s not an ideology; it’s a figment of the neocon imagination. The term came into vogue only because it was a way for Iraq hawks to gloss over the awkward transition from pursuing Osama bin Laden, who attacked America, to Saddam Hussein, who didn’t. And Iran had nothing whatsoever to do with 9/11 — in fact, the Iranian regime was quite helpful to the United States when it went after Al Qaeda and its Taliban allies in Afghanistan.”

Click here to read the full article

I didn’t think anybody genuinely took the idea of Islamofascism seriously. That’s mental. The first world of international politics should be “if the terminology you’re using sounds like it originated in a McBain movie – you’re way off the mark”.

McBain
“Kill the Islamofascist-Commie-Nazis!”

Daily Mail censors ‘sperm-dumpster’ comment

Collage by Abbey Wuthrich on Flickr

Censorship causes blindness

Following on from my previous article, “Gay penguins destroy families – what would Littlejohn say?”, I posted a comment on the Daily Mail website to let Richard Littlejohn (columnist for that drivel of a daily) know my thoughts. Shockingly, I was censored! I’m not too surprised as I called him an obnoxious, gay, butt-munching, cock-stroking sperm-dumpster, but considering Littlejohn’s article was about how no government had the right to police our manners when it comes to abusing homosexuals – and that only gays with no sense of humour are offended anyway – I thought he would get the joke. The web team obviously didn’t. Unperturbed, I posted another comment. It’s unlikely that even this one will get approved though, even though it is quite polite:

I guess my first comment was denied – presumably because I said something that could not be tolerated by the Daily Mail. Or it might have been something that might offend you Richard, but I thought you would have had a sense of humour. To read my thoughts in their full, uncensored glory use this url to read my article “Gay penguins destroy families – what would Littlejohn say?”

Unfortunately, if you look at the seven comments that have been approved it makes you think that this won’t make it past the moderazis. Here are some examples:

“Richard, I love your column, you speak how you feel, no rubbish, just what 99% of us know to be happening to Britain.

I wish with all my heart, you and several hundreds like you would stand for Parliament, leading Britain into greatness again.

I am saddened to watch from outside the bowl the destruction of a place which was once my home, where I grew up safe and secure, and to which I visit worried if I am going to be mugged, raped or murdered.

Many refer to America as dangerous, yes in parts, but I thank God daily for my life here, somewhere like Britain in the 60′s. I cry for my parents who only look forward to death and shrug their shoulders with the saying ‘we aren’t here much longer”. Thank you Bliar and Gang, Brown and Gang, you should all be done for treason, for the destruction of a once great Country.

Richard, please keep writing your articles, truthful and factual.”

“Really clever one Richard. Take it to a music publisher immediately, it’ll be a No. 1!”

“How I miss you when you’re away Richard, without your twice weekly comlumn I quickly lose the will to live – you are the best columnist ever and I still miss your ‘Littlejohn Live and uncut’ on Friday nights.”

Way to fuel the debate RL.

The five dos and five do nots of making money through blogging

Image titled Money money money by Dancingperfect on DeviantArt

Money money money hot naked girl

DO - Start a blog called “Better ways to make money blogging” and cover it in adverts selling books on how to make money by blogging.

DON’T - Attempt to emulate the success of other bloggers – i.e. don’t become a call girl just so you can write about it (though that is probably a more reliable means to earn a few quid if you can avoid the drugs, feelings of shame and physical abuse).

DO - Learn how to write properly. Once you do learn how to write properly, get a proper job writing.

DON’T - Rely on people stumbling upon your blog by accident – get out there and let them know where to find you! Nobody ever went broke by spamming.

DO - Use a fake persona. Your life isn’t interesting and nobody cares what you think.

DON’T - Be afraid to use every weapon in your arsenal. Let your younger sister throw a house party for her hot friends. Provide plenty of alcohol and take a camera. Use tags effectively. Litter page with penis enlargement ads.

DO - Rip other people’s content off. Saves time meaning more posts, meaning wider appeal, meaning more traffic, meaning squids-in.

DON’T - Rely on traditional advertising. Banner and text ads don’t cut it anymore. If you have the traffic and can prove people read what you say, don’t treat them like idiots clicking on random distractions on the page – write a sponsored post promoting a product.

DO - Ensure that if you want to try something like the above, only promote products you think are worthwhile.

DON’T - Bother trying to make money through blogging. Don’t chase traffic, enjoy yourself and eventually you’ll become part of a community. If you really, really want money rob a bank or sell crack to kids or something.

Wise words or absolute piffle, what do you think?

Sam Elliott and Road House

“The dancing’s over. Now it gets dirty.”

Road House is a fucking awesome film in which Patrick Swayze rips some guy’s throat out. Check out this poster. Yes. That’s how brilliant it is.

Road House poster

“Dalton lives like a loner. Fights like a professional. And loves like there’s no tomorrow.”

Only in the 80s, man.

I was trying to put my finger on why I was so glad to see Sam Elliott in The Golden Compass. I knew I’d seen him elsewhere in a role that was cool beyond crunk (almost). Ultimately, it didn’t take long to find out it was Road House – and it only took a few moments longer to find some classic quotes from, what one user of IMDB hailed as, “perhaps the best camp classic ever!”.

Sam Elliott

Sam Elliott as Wade Garrett rules in this movie, exuding the type of laid-back, southern charm that Josh Holloway can only dream of – while also kicking people hard in the knees. He may be old, but he’s still the best. A couple of his best quotes below.

Wade Garrett: That gal’s got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that.

Wade Garrett: I’ll get all the sleep I need when I’m dead.

Gay penguins destroy families – what would Littlejohn say?

This is cool. Thanks to ‘mlebwadtol’, who left the link as a comment after my previous post and seems to have picked their name after watching Countdown.

And tango makes three

Read the most challenged books of 2006 – featuring the above, And Tango Makes Three, which is: “about two male penguins parenting an egg from a mixed-sex penguin couple. It tops the list of most challenged books in 2006 by parents and administrators according to the American Library Association for challenged for homosexuality, anti-family, and unsuited to age group.”

Damn gay penguins, fucking up the family. Made me think of Richard Littlejohn’s column in today’s Daily Mail. To paraphrase the article, it goes something like: “Blah, blah, blah, scathing wit. Blah, blah, blah, anti-Labour. Blah, blah, blah, right-wing ignorance. Blah, blah, blah SURPRISINGLY calling for Billy Bragg to be Knighted! (Sorry about the previous slur, sir!) Blah, blah, blah, views on homosexuality…”

It’s the gay bit I want to talk about. To be honest, I don’t disagree with his view as it reads in his column although, I admit, I don’t know the whole story as I haven’t had time to peer behind the Daily Mail’s hate-field. But why, oh why does he have to word it to sound like the embarrassing uncle who sits by you at parties and explains what’s wrong with the world…

Some of my favourite extracts:

“Sensible gays with a sense of humour…” (Meaning any gay who objects to being hurled abuse at is clearly just not sensible and should lighten up)

“The only people who want this illiberal, totalitarian legislation are intolerant, professional homosexuals…” (As opposed to tolerant, amateur homosexuals)

“Where’s it all going to end? A few weeks ago, I discovered that white heterosexuals from Essex are now classed officially as a vulnerable minority in some parts of the country.” (Well Littlejohn, if it’s only in some parts of the country you should be sensible and stay in Essex – I mean, get a sense of humour, man!)

Don’t worry Rich, I’ll support you in your cause by calling you an obnoxious, gay, butt-munching, cock-stroking sperm-dumpster. Whoop! Everyone’s offended!

Evocations of Nazi intolerance sells books

Burning Books Seven by Lovephotography

Burning books seven

I too was suckered in for part of an evening by the Lemony Snicket ‘Happy Ending Foundation’ marketing scheme. That teaches me a valuable lesson to never trust what I read in the Daily Mail and in many ways perfectly reflects the ability of the blogs to make up for the failings of the mainstream media, as well as being a great lesson in viral marketing.

Last week, I read an article in the Daily Mail that revealed the twisted aims of an organisation of concerned parents who want to ban children’s books that have sad endings – with Lemony Snicket’s novels attracting much of their anger. The group called themselves the ‘Happy Ending Foundation’ and (this is the part that really got me furious) were inviting like-minded parents to join them at a book-burning party later this month.

Being a driven, popular and liberally-minded blogger, my first instinct was naturally to leap onto the infoweb and raise an army of similarly outraged people to storm this book-burning event and beat the living shit out of the intolerant, small-minded bastards – in the name of freedom, of course.

Such righteous indignation, however, was to drift towards embarrassment when I began to research for my impending rant (further proof that performing research before spouting off your opinions is not nearly as much fun). My first port of call was The Library Thing, where I found a link to the Happy Ending Foundation’s website – which is a beautifully crafted piece of junk. After reading about the foundation’s plans for Happy News (a special order newspaper that only details happy news) and Happy Cams (in happy places, of course), as well as some testimonials from members I suspected something dodgy only slightly – repeating to myself “this must be a fucking joke…”. But, then again, I think that after I read any article in the Daily Mail.

Hopping back to The Library Thing, I noticed the comment stating that this was a marketing stunt. Good. That was a happy ending as far as I was concerned. While I still have no doubt that there are some idiots in this world who would happily burn ‘sad’ children’s books, it is also reassuring that there are clever folks who use these idiots as the butt of their joke – or faceless corporation marketing strategy in this case.

Not everyone took the ruse in good humour though. Inkygirl in particular explains the coverage of the story in good detail on her blog but worries that using the notion of censorship and the Nazi-like book-burnings simply to make a profit might have been in bad taste. Crunkfish is no stranger to bad taste and subsequently may not be in the best position to take the moral highground in this matter, but I think there’s no such thing as bad taste. There’s only taste and it’s up for the taster to wolf it down or spit it out. If you don’t like it, go to another restaurant. Simple.

Maybe the viral was in bad taste and so should never have been done. But, then again, maybe sad endings in books are bad for our kids and so should be banned. I know what I think and I don’t really care what you think, but it’s good when people do nonetheless.

Against Me! Thrash Unreal music video – again…

Simply because you should listen to this at least once a day…

Against Me! – Thrash Unreal

Vandervoort-tastic!

Yes, I know. That was mean of me mentioning the slinky boob-tube and teeny-tiny shorts without dropping in an image. Here it is, folks. Laura Vandervoort in all her impractically dressed glory.

Laura Vandervoort smallville supergirl
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