Midget RealDoll in high demand, makers feel short-changed

Abyss Creations, purveyor of the aesthetically realistic, replacement sexual partner, the RealDoll, has recently revealed in an interview with adult entertainment blog, Fleshbot, that an unprecedented number of orders for midget versions of its products are threatening to undercut the business.

Abyss Creations PR Manager, Tamlin Howes, was speaking to the editor of the website “where sex, porn, and the web collide” about new technologies used in the creation of the RealDoll, when he made the following surprising statement:

“I don’t know why, but within the past few months we’ve had literally dozens of requests for miniature versions of our girls… not tiny, like a Barbie doll, I’d say most of the customers are asking for two-thirds-sized versions.”

The company behind the infamous RealDolls prides itself on tailoring its models to suit customer’s individual tastes. The dolls are available with 16 interchangeable female faces and 10 body types – though even the most minor details, such as fingernail colour and even tan lines, can be specifically selected by the buyer.

Such freedom of choice comes at a cost, however, and the basic RealDoll will set you back around $7,000. In fact, Howes is starting to believe that it’s price that is driving the demand for the diminutive dolls:

“At first I just assumed some midgets wanted a piece of the action! Of course, we had no objection with tailoring the dolls to suit their personal requirements – each RealDoll is individually produced and I thought it was interesting that they wanted to spend time with a model of equal stature.”

He continued…

“The majority of orders were for regularly proportioned girls that had merely been downsized, in most areas at least – the breasts were still expected to be suitably large, which led to some very odd looking creatures! Interestingly though, we have had a number of customers requiring dwarf-scale proportions – y’know; tiny legs, huge head and that.”

Finishing with…

“Without really considering the repercussions, we sold the ‘midget’ dolls at a lower price. It wasn’t long before we were flooded with orders asking for girls that were under four-feet tall!”

Unfortunately for Howes and the rest of Abyss Creations, the costs involved in making the smaller-than-average dolls were not as low as they expected and, if the deluge of orders continues, they will begin recording a loss before the end of the second quarter.

The problem, according to Howes, is that requests for the midget models appear to be replacing orders for the regular-sized versions. There is a suspicion that news about the discount price has spread via word of mouth, but no evidence of such conversation could be found on the internet. All in all, it is a bit of a mystery how this craze has arrived so unexpectedly, but one thing’s for sure – some men are so desperate to get fucking a vaguely-lifelike, inanimate lump of polymer without breaking the bank, that they’ll stick their cocks into a Cuddle-Me Elmo with tits if it was easily washable.

The PR Manager said that the company will monitor the trend over the coming weeks and may be forced to stop selling its products at the lower rate before the end of the month. If you’re in the market for getting all five of Girls Aloud in RealDoll format, now may be the time…

‘Midget mafia the fault of the EU’, says Bulgarian minister

Image by Nocturnal-Devil on DeviantArt

The so-called ‘midget mafia’ continues to be a negative blip in the otherwise improving crime statistics of the Sofian constabulary, it was revealed yesterday in a report from Bulgarian’s leading international news organisation, Novinite.

Findings from independent research undertaken by a respected organisation sponsored by the nation’s vocally critical right-wing opposition party shows that while overall violent crime is dropping in Bulgaria’s capital, offences committed by mini-mobsters continues to rise uncontrollably.

Bulgaria has long had a sizable midget population, most of whom congregate in a ghetto of the capital known locally as the Mynikyn Eighth. The growth of organised crime around this area (and, more importantly, the failure of the police to stem it) has long been known but never truly understood. Boyek Kotseva, shadow minister for crime, offered his own theory in a press conference yesterday. He claims his opinons are wholly based on the results of the study and, according to him, these point the blame firmly in the direction of Brussels:

“The problem isn’t with our brave and intelligent police force – the problem lies with the European Union. Laughably inept anti-discrimination laws tie the hands of even our finest officers of the law. According to Brussels, we are not allowed to discriminate against a suspect based on their size – how does that work when you need to be imprisoning and interrogating people who are four foot tall?”

He goes on to cast more light on the problem:

“5% of people in the city are midgets. 100% of people in the midget mafia are midget. It doesn’t take a genius to work out where we should be focusing our attention. The EU, in its wisdom, decrees that we should not target any section of society based on appearance alone. This means while we should be out there arresting midget thieves, murderers, arsonists, blackmailers, kidnappers and rapists, we have to ensure a due share of the population undergo traditional stop-and-search procedures. It’s ridiculous. If we’re looking for midgets we should start by looking downwards!”

His fiery oration received positive coverage in the popular tabloids who await an official response form the government.

Retired Bulgarian ringmaster opens first ‘midget-only’ social network

Picture stolen from MonkeySeed at DeviantArt

Stoyan Bachvarov (pictured above in the suit with six midgets – three standing on the shoulders of the others) an ex-Bulgarian circus ringmaster, has decided to open the world’s first social networking site dedicated entirely to midgets, according to Darik News

- Bulgaria’s second least popular infoweb-based news service.

Bachvarov, 73, was left virtually penniless after the collapse of communism which led to a severe downward trend for the Eastern European circus industry. He claims that the idea of a ’socnet’ for those of a more diminutive stature came to him after seeing his grandson on Pravul Oi! – the Bulgarian Bebo.

“During my time at the circus,” the crazy, old Bolgo said to the press, “I saw how eager midgets were to interact with others of their type – after seeing how my grandson kept in touch with his school-friends online, the idea struck me like a cannonball to the gut.”

When pressed how he would ensure that only midgets joined up and not, for example, a normal-sized person kneeling down with their shoes in front of them, Buchvarov replied something in Bulgarian that the online translator can’t quite work out.

The social network is called Krydgr.bu and is launching October