“Homocops” introduced in UK to grab crime by the balls

Gay Police

Rather excellent photo found in Jude Portman’s Flickr photostream

In a nation “under seige” from loutish youths terrorising the streets after dark, desperate measures are being taken in an effort to teach these yobs to respect the law. The latest initiative being trialled in Brighton by a government repeatedly criticised for its liberal ‘softly softly’ approach to rising youth crime, involves the introduction of gay police officers, nicknamed ‘Homocops’ by Britain’s best-selling newspaper The Sun.

Spearheaded by Sussex Police’s own Superintendent Sir. Wesley Pryors, Operation ‘Crack-out’ is intended to scare the testosterone-fuelled, teenage yobs into avoiding altercations with the police force. As Sir Pryors explains:

“Youths these days no longer fear the law. There is no longer any shame in being thrust with your face against the wall, spread-eagled and frisked by a policeman. To many, it is a badge of honour – something to brag about. By introducing overtly homosexual police officers, we believe that these street thugs would rather stay inside than risk the shame of being touched up by a queer.”

Certain minority groups baulk at the concept, accusing the police of further alienating the gay community and pandering to the irrational fears of the masses. However, gay-and-proud rozzers such as PC Brian J. Pardibuoy disagree:

“I came out a year after joining the force and have felt an outsider ever since. For the first time, I feel my gayness is being celebrated and my talents are finally being utilised. Before I was just a fag in fancy dress, now I feel as though I’m really making a difference.”

Amidst fears of ‘pink helmets’, Homocops will not be marked as such. Instead, they will simply introduce themselves as either hetero or homo PCs.

Operation ‘Crack-out’ has been running for little over a month so far, and already there is some evidence of success. 13-year-old hoodie-wearer Jack Passage has been quoted as saying:

“I can’t believe it. I used to laugh when a copper wanted to check my pockets – I really didn’t give a darn. Now, however, I’m afraid to go out on the streets in case one of them wants to spread me against the wall.”

Seemingly, there may be a chance that batty bobbies will be hitting a city near you. The only problem seems to be resource. As Sir Wesley says:

“I plead for every gay man in the country to sign-up to the police force now. We currently don’t have the numbers to expand Operation Crack-out, we need every homosexual hand in the country to grab onto a truncheon.”

Source: BBC Online


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