So, Easter is rolling around yet again and, in the UK at least, it’s time to pass around a few chocolate eggs in celebration of Jesus faking his death for the purpose of some sort of tax evasion scandal. Bear in mind that Christians were Jews back then and, stereotypically speaking, those bloody Semites are a much harder bunch to swindle. Regardless, while we may enjoy stuffing our faces with sacrifical bunnies, in other parts of the world there are traditions far more entertaining.
Take the Czech Republic, for example. At Easter time, all the good, little Czech boys take long, slender sticks called pomlazka and use them to beat the asses of all the sweet and impressionable Czech girls. In return the boys get given chocolate or alcohol while the girls continue to be chased like bondage-whores at those parties I’m not invited to anymore because I get carried away and they’re fed up of covering for me.
If you’re laughing at those crazy Eastern Europeans and wondering what this has to do with the TRUE meaning of Easter, get a clue and then go fuck yourself with an electrified crowbar. Chances are your own screwed-up country has tacked a bunch of dull, illogical Christian beliefs onto a far more sensible pagan ritual, and then sold its soul to consumerism. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I just want to hit little Czech girls with sticks.