Friday Trailerfest #1: Half a Dozen Awesome Movie Trailers (Cowboy Vampire Porn Edition)

1. The Magnificent Seven

“Seven, seven, seven. The Magnificent Sevennnnnnnuuuhn! They were only seven but they fought like seven hundred…” Great theme tune. There’s only a few lines of dialogue in this trailer (seemingly selected at random), but they manage to get a mention of rape in there.

Best YouTube Comment:

“who sing this song in trailer “”They were only 7, but they fought like 700…” ? anybody knows? :) and what is title of this?”

2. Let Me In

The original Swedish version, Let The Right One In, was a superbly brooding, atmospheric take on the vampire legend – like Wallander meets The Lost Boys (disclaimer: I’ve seen neither). This US remake, starring the girl from Kick-Ass and the boy from The Road, seems to have (pointlessly) replicated it in painstaking detail. The trailer doesn’t fill me with confidence, but it’s a great story and should be worth watching if you haven’t seen the original and can’t stand subtitles. I’m going to watch it if only to find out a) if they ruin it and b) how.

Best YouTube Comment:

“This is scariong the shit out of meeee XD don’t know why it’s probably cuz watching scary stuff at nigth time alone scares me a lot”

3. Red

The Queen meets Die Hard. They’re not too old for this shit. Get used to the cliches, I don’t think this action flick is looking to add any further Academy Award nominations to the casts’ already impressive CVs. John McClane, God, Being John Malkovich and Helen Mirren are retired CIA agents, reunited to blow shit up and fight the menacing future Judge Dredd. I’m already giving it 9/10. This is surely a must-see solely for the sight of Helen Mirren looking freakishly sexy shooting stuff. To paraphrase Dazed and Confused, “that’s what I love about these old chicks, man. I get older, they get less able to put up a fight.” I’m not sure that works.

Best YouTube Comment:

“Helen Mirren looks fantastic with an MP5K.”

4. Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy

I just want to echo the sentiments of star0shadows in the YouTube comments: “Why the hell don’t they still make classy musical pornos anymore… *sigh*”.

Seriously. This movie looks amazing. Check out some of the clips on YouTube (my favourite can be found here).

Best YouTube Comment:

“Yeah but there are cumshots tho”

5. Fistful of Dollars

“This short cigar belongs to the man with no name. This long gun belongs to the man with no name. This poncho belongs to the man with no name.” I wish I didn’t have a name. And owned cool stuff like a poncho. Remind me to get a paranoid mule.

Best YouTube Comment:

“1:02 PWND!!!”

6. Son of Rambow

Son of Rambow is currently being sold in WH Smiths for the bargain price of £5. It’s a lovely film. Set in the early 80s, it’s rich with the kind of evocative nostalgia I wish I genuinely felt. Of course, I would’ve been only a wee baby back then and didn’t even see First Blood until I was in my 20s. The historical references only had any meaning for me from watching films, made in the 80s, in the 90s. It’s all very complicated. But what’s not complicated is the affecting tale of friendship, imagination and triumph, which we can all relate to. Or, at least, recall similarly themed movies that showed us what experiencing those things should feel like.

Best YouTube Comment:

“for all those gay ass fuckers who are basing this movie off of the god damn previews go suck a cock. this is the best movie ever.”

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One thought on “Friday Trailerfest #1: Half a Dozen Awesome Movie Trailers (Cowboy Vampire Porn Edition)

  1. Fist full of dollars is just so great and the swedish vampire movie also, I have met the director of the movie Anders and he is nice.

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