Nick Clegg’s Letter to Justin Sane (from a kinder, gentler liberal conservative)

Nick Clegg - ArchMage of Political Reform and Scourge of Inequality
Me? Gay!? Have you seen my wife's yams!? Ohhhh yeah...

Dear Punk Rock star,

I’m just kidding, but if I can claim to have any influence over this government I may as well call you that. I like your attitude. I like your songs. I’ve been a really big fan since I can’t remember when. Well, since last week. But if you look at my speeches over the previous years, you’ll see that I never explicitly said I wasn’t a fan.

See, there are some times when I feel really alone, cause I don’t really have any friends in my party and I don’t fit in at work. David Davis called me part of a “Brokeback Coalition” in front of the Financial Times, so now the Labour Party puts me down by saying I’m gay. But I don’t care because I have nothing against homosexuals and David Davis is an arsehole!

I think the personal opinions I express are important (though NOT representative of the views of the government – Dave). Thanks a lot. Keep fighting – but not too much or we’ll have to get the police to move you along.

Nick Clegg (Deputy Prime Minister and Saviour of Our Civil Liberties)


A 21st Century History of Music Industry Profits – Digital Economy Bill

As the British music industry lobby hard for the roundly hated Digital Economy Bill to be passed before the next election, it begs the question: why the rush? I’m fairly confident the industry will NOT collapse if a proper debate takes place over the next two months.

In fact, the more I looked into it, the more the cries of industry destruction (which have been going on for most of the decade) seem strangely detached from reality. Here’s a quick reading list, going back to 2002:

2010 – The demise of the music industry is visible everywhere but in the facts
2009 – UK music industry’s own economist says revenue up 4.7%
2008 – How the music industry garnered record profits in 2008
2004 – BMI posts record year, despite music industry doom and gloom
2002 – RIAA’s (Recording Industry Association of America) statistics don’t add up to piracy

Of course, this is a patchy history at best and I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject. However, since the whole piracy issue was first raised, I haven’t seen any convincing figures showing the alleged ‘end of days’ style decline. Most of the genuinely negative figures I’ve seen look bad in isolation but don’t show the bigger picture. For example: CD sales may be down, but digital sales are up; album sales are down a bit, but single sales are up more; ticket sales, ringtone sales, merchandising sales have all increased, as has sponsorship. More people are listening to music than ever before.

If there is undeniable demand out there, why is the British Government taking undemocratic actions to punish consumers while protecting the bad business decisions of a billion-pound industry?

Make it better

Due to some extremely frustrating issues with PayPal, Crunkfish as you know it is possibly only 4 days from retirement. So, while I wait to get proverbially gunned to pieces by a regrettable racial caricature as my young, maverick sidekick swears vengeance (which, as we all know, is far, far cooler than mere revenge) over my leaking corpse, I thought I’d take this opportunity to offer you some true excellence.

Let me present iDaft, which let’s you remix Daft Punk’s Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger tune as much as your partner can tolerate (which isn’t much, to be honest).

I’ve been having some trouble getting the “console” up and running, which might be due to heavy traffic. If it doesn’t work straight up, keep trying immediately afterwards – thus ensuring it also won’t work for the other thousands hitting it at the same time. Fuck ’em, yeah?

I’m not too old for this shit.

[First spotted on Neatorama]

80s music video taken literally – funny

You might have noticed that I haven’t been posting much lately. Partly, this is because most of the cool stuff I happen upon can be easily found on my friendly Friendfeed feed (shown under My Crunklets to the right) – but it’s also because I don’t like anyone who makes a habit of looking at this site. Seriously. You suck. Most of you only land on this site just to check out Katie Price’s minge.

Every now and again, however, I come across something that is truly, hilariously brilliant, inspiring and original and I can’t help but spread it about as much as possible. This literal version of A-Ha’s 80s classic Take On Me is one such something.

Discovered snuffling about Drawn!

Dear music industry idiots, the internet is not your enemy…

Case in point: I have just spent roughly forty squid on albums from a bunch of artists I only heard of through using at work. This wouldn’t have been possible if a) sharing and finding new music in an online, social environment wasn’t so popular, and b) I wasn’t able to freely listen to full tracks by these artists on several occasions. Unfortunately big label bastards, the albums I bought wouldn’t have been produced by you because everything you release is barely worth pirating let alone buying. Learn something from this lesson.

Miley Cyrus haunts my YouTube

I don’t care about Miley Cyrus; I barely even know who she is. Though wasn’t that the name of John Malkovich’s character in Con Air? Which is certainly a contender for only decent reason why Nicholas Cage should be allowed to make movies – not to mention a vest.

I certainly haven’t watched any Smiley Virus videos. Like, ever. So the only possible reason I can think of why My YouTube Recommendations should offer two videos (out of three) of this, presumed, piece of jailbait poplette ass is that either: a) Miley Cyrus now makes up 77% of everything on the internet or b) the recommendation thing is just plain silly. Whichever one it is, neither are very interesting to talk about.

The other current meme making its way across the blogosphere is this Olympics viral campaign thing that’s being over-shared to death. It’s almost enough to incite me to write a How to Spend a Few Hours Online without Being Bored by People Talking About the Olympics post.

Here’s a quick how-to on “how to” block the Olympics from your personal infosphere:

1. Try to spend as much time reading your feeds on Google Reader – actively seeking knowledge is so anti-progress anyway – and install this script to add a filter. Enter Smellympic terms in the exclude box and rejoice at your shitty contest free world.

2. If you have to venture into the wilds of the web this approach is no good. To give yourself a fighting chance of remaining a Fairly Interesting Person, use the negative Google search operator. If you use ‘-olympics’ after every search term, your value over life ratio will increase.

3. In extreme cases, you may need to use one of those netnanny products (In the future, I’d like to see some stats showing the relationship between NetNanny’d homes and kids who end up as porn stars/crack whores/rapists) and see if they can be switched to block all Gay-lympic stuff instead of the good stuff. Extra bonus, using these programs you can even protect yourself from instant messenging conversations with people talking about the Dullympic Lames! I may apply that to any conversations I have with chicks which don’t devolve into cybering after five mins. Cut those prick-teases off!

And that’s my key to a far more fulfilling lifestyle over the next…however many days/weeks/months this thing lasts for. Can’t we just go back to being afraid/exploiting of China and stop pretending to give a shit that their hosting of the games is the first step to greater inclusion with the ‘global community’?

Awesome music video mixes zombies, Soviet propaganda, style and boobs

Gorbachov: The Music Video – bigger and russianer. I can’t embed it, so follow this link to view it – or click on the screencap below.

This video is stylish, bizarre, amusing, sexy, and above all brilliantly entertaining. There is no way I would have listened to this song if it wasn’t for this music video so all in all a bloody good job Mr. Music Video Director person.

The Gaslight Anthem – Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts

I’ve only recently been introduced to the bluesy folk-rock delights of The Gaslight Anthem and this particular song has really caught my attention. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a decent live performance on YouTube of them performing this, so I’ve had to use this home-made music video. No comments on the video please, just close your eyes and let the breezy vocals and rousing guitar roll over you like an especially emotive landslide.

The Gaslight Anthem – Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts

All 20 Pop Up Videos from VH1

To a certain person of a certain age and a certain disposition, this post will be the greatest thing ever. Unfortunately, that certain person is me dear reader, so you may as well just bugger off and look at pictures of bacon draped across some bird’s tits and let me carry on…

If you didn’t know, Pop Up Video is/was a TV show on VH1 and is responsible for entertaining me more than wanking did during my uni days. Overlaying some bizarre choices of music videos with nuggets of sometimes informative, often pointless, usually witty, but always welcome facts that ‘pop up’ throughout, this is the perfect recipe for a young mind thirsting for a wank, but who can’t reasonably commit to one at two in the afternoon.

I loved this show, and so did everyone else I forced to watch them. Waste a hell of a lot of time now and watch these…

Belinda Carlisle – Heaven is a Place on Earth

Band Aid – Do they know it’s Christmas?

Men at Work – Down Under

Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up

No Doubt – Ex-Girlfriend

If you’re still following me… click on the link below to read more…

Continue reading